#john’s journal is fringe canon but let’s still break it down birthday by birthday #your fifth birthday you dad comments on your talent with guns #your sixth he still hasn’t even enrolled you into school #ninth ‘he might not finish third grade’ #you get your first gun when you turn eleven #twelve years old and you’re already trying to temper your father’s guilt - ‘he’s taking his cues from me’ #fourteen you go on a date and your father remarks #’if i’m not careful with him by the time he’s twenty he’ll have left a trail of kids and arrest warrants all over the country’ #fifteen and sixteen you’re hunting - ‘i think i’ll let him take the lead’#seventeen - your first solo hunt. are you ready to start killing the things that will#eventually #wind up killing you #you get the impala on your eighteen and by your twentith you’re alone #because the impala was never a rite of passage it was almost a dismissal #twenty-one and your dad doesn’t even bother to buy you a celebratory drink because your drinking is already commonplace #he sits and writes in his journal ‘he’s a scam artist a ladies’ man and an absolutely loyal son.’ #’i’m proud of him’ #and he congratulates himself on a job well done #’i’ve spent the last sixteen years afraid that i was going to screw him up somehow’ #’maybe now I can forget about that.’ #flames on the side of my face etc (via onedropout)
I tried not to think about it but this is too fun.
(Not my gif; Google, you saint, you never let me down.)
I will make this apocalypse happen cuz PANCAKES, dangit. PAN CAKES.